More thoughts - It's Snowing on April 1st. (hours before actually)

I am thinking. about my cut on my pinkie finger, from the blender i washed yesterday to make a milkshake (banana, Klondike ice cream, peach yogurt, milk). It has been constantly reminding me of present moment and of things we use without thinking. Such as a pinkie finger.
Read couple of Post Secrets. They are good. Because they are raw humanity at it's core - no judgement. People do it not to satisfy anyone but to express oneself. Safely. How hard is it to speak what is on your mind in our society? I don't know. I often have thoughts that if shared with people.... I would be either in a clinical trial or under strict supervisions. Of "doctors" and "professionals". This is why my thoughts are NOT who i am. They are just simply part of experience. Our mind is trained to constantly think of things. No matter how vulgar, odd, misshapen thoughts are. When i drive, i often think of ways to crash the car. what if i just speed up, close my eyes, take the wrong turn. How would the crash feel? would i survive? would the other survive? How easy it is to die on our present days. Opportunities are limitless, just use your imagination. Life and death are actually the same concept. We are living. yet we are dying at the same time. Since the moment our cell separated into two. The copier is flawed. Flawed with meaning.
what would my funeral be like?

These thoughts are not suicidal, just imaginative.

Confusion.

I mix days up. Sometimes it takes me a little while to remember what day today is. My mind is constantly accepting, formatting and spitting information back at me. All the classes, deadlines, projects, meetings, emails, events. I haven't been in ceramics class in several weeks. I wonder if people thought of me. What of my group (glass + ceramics) and their doings? Is anything happening? I am a bit lost. Things are a blurr. I want it to get warmer. I want it to stop itching. I need a breath of fresh thought. Energized something. I can not wait for days.

I need to take a shower.
I need an evening meditation.

Tattoo and Weekend Events

So i finally woke up on Friday, took my exam and was nervious throughout the whole day about my tattoo. I knew that it will hurt a lot I had not idea how long and painful this will be. It took about 4 hours (twice as much time as anticipated by both me and the artist) and $400. My body was sweating a ton, and by hour three i started shacking. I was cold and in pain. It was a powerful feeling. This is most pain i have ever had. I am glad tattoo's are so painful, or at least can be. I chose the ribs because they were one of most painful places to get ink, and I wanted it because of Andrew and Jenya.
Most time i could tolerate the pain, or distract myself with things. I did A LOT of slow exhalations and they helped. But other times, the pain was incredible. I screamed couple of times.


The end result turned out to be so awesome and detailed. The store was closed at 10pm and we got out of here by 11.30pm. All artist's friends left to get food. All worth it. This turned out to be a great piece.


It's bigger than i anticipated, but with this kind of detail, going smaller would not make sense. I really like the placement of it too. By far, this is my favorite out of three tattoo's i have. I don't think I will get one for another several years. All in due time, I surely will be back to enhance my body.


Saturday i did not go to the ALC Showdown, and i was just recovering from my Friday torchery. I did not have appetite and felt "sick" though i wasn't. My skin was sensitive, but i washed it and applied the lotion as needed.

Sunday
Splash went great, i taught 8 and 9 people in each class. One guy among all. All good though, i explained some things about meditation and how i came by it. We talked about benefits and such. Then about 20min of meditation followed by some descriptions of how they felt and what was difficult. All in all, I enjoyed my experience as a Splash Teacher.
After Splash, i ventured to Cabaret room to decorate a mask for GLC Gala, that happens Friday, April 1st (theme masquerade). Michelle and I finished "Dirty Sexy Money". Next to see, "Six Feet Under" or something else.
Now reading some things for Capstone. Have an interview with Kwasi on Tuesday, Education Fair on Wednesday, and coffee with Mike Sacco on Thursday. Friday is Gala and April - the month of Marathon Monday, 4.20, Easter and the last "full" month before Graduation!

Life (after college) in general

Wednesday was the funeral. It was tough. Her dad picked me up and drove to funeral home. After that, we went to service at church which was really good. Then cemetery. Then reception. Lots of people. Lots of feelings. Overall a long day. We saw Winston with some of his friends. and then Michelle drove. It was wild.
No classes and postponed my midterm (which went well, I think) to Friday morning.

Thursday I went to arts fest volunteer meeting, signed up for volunteering with children and at the Art's tent.
Also went to a great Alumni Panel, connecting college leadership experience into post graduation. Here are some great things panelists said about life after college in general:
- Learn about the profession first, before jumping in (real life experience)
- Know why you're there (grad school, job)
- BC community = world community
- You will connect to people you can't imagine
- Involve and try new/interesting things
- Universe = playground
- Be open to everything life gives you
- You can't do everything
- Experience will come and go
- Find passion, but don't be afraid to let it go
- You are learning way more beyond classroom
- Persistence
- Quarter life crisis = career+relationship vortex
- Not everything will be "the thing"
- Continuity - learn from previous and pass it down
- Pick a place, find a job. Work your way up
- It will matter
- Make mistakes/failure
- Try and see what happens. Give self to others (this one is actually from Father Himes video)
- Come out of fear, move forward = take action.
- Parents have no clue about your college life
- Don't chose to be alone
- World changes every 5-7 years

some pictures and thoughts

Cataracts concert was weird. I remember being drunk, seeing tons of people in white. getting some water. Losing Eric & Jeff. Finding one of them. Then losing both again. Weird. But fun. Fun music. Some hooking up. Not me.

Classes resumed without a doubt.
Had some dinner with Natalie, talked about how excited we are about Gala and Jer-berger coming to town. This will be epicness cubed.
Also had a nice chat with Ricco regarding future and other topics. He suggested that heading into teaching could be approached even via substitutes. I'll think about that.
Also, as it turns out, if i teach for five years (esp. science or low income) all my perkins loans are forgiven. First two years - 15% off, next two - 20% off, and fifth year 30%. (15+15+20+20+30=$0) This sounds like an awesome idea, gotta tell you. All i need is love. Love is all i need. I mean, plans after graduation. No worries. I have a feeling future has something bazanga stashed in the upcoming chapters of what will become continue to be my life.

Setting up lunch/coffee/interview with Mike Sacco & Kwasi.
What is even MORE exciting is that I'm getting INKED IN JUST THREE DAYS. Friday, to be precise. Oh how much my left ribcage is going to hurt. I definitely forgot how painful tatts are.
Kay, off to watch "9" and fix my shirt for a funeral tomorrow...

Couple of pictures:

Death of a loved one

The only two concrete things in our reality is birth and death; what's in between is unpredictable.
Each experience we go through teaches us something and allows us to grow. Couple of days ago, somebody really dear to my best friend passed away. There was a lot of tears. All the plans we made for that evening were instantly erased and family took priority. I too had a realization. What if someone really close to you passes away. Unpredictably. The only thing you can hold on is your last conversation, last text, last time you saw that person. That is, if you even can remember it. And there is nothing you can do; you can not go back in time and spend more time with them. You can only regret that you didn't call them couple of days ago and tell them that you love them just one more time.
Nope, life does not really work like that. Which puts even more emphasis on today, living in present and appreciating what we have. Because the next minute you can lose something so dear and close, you will be in denial about it. Rush of life comes at you fast. Death can unpredictably sweep you of your stable ground and make you cry and scream your lungs out.
I am trying to deal with this heavy stuff, comforting my friend and make her laugh. This is not something you can get over in a week, or month. In fact i don't know if you can get over death of family member. If i find out my sister or my cousin passed away, i will not behave as i think i will.
All i know is each day it gets a little bit better. That's all you can really ask for.

On some brighter notes, i am gong to see "Raging Earth" ft. "The Cataracts" with Eric and Jeff. Should be fun. I'm cracking open a Four Loko in a bit to start my evening. Wearing white t-shirt and brining markers, because i think there will be black light. Woop-Woop.

Live.
Every day.

Jamaica

Sunday activities.
Woke up in Michelle's place; her brother Steve drove us, so we got to the airport by 6.30am or something. i tried sleeping most of flying. I mostly did.
Michelle and I were really excited to arrive to Mongeto Bay.

Once there, I had to call Asya (mom's travel agent who helped us book ze vacation) because i forgot to pick up my mail where it said which bus company we had. there were many different ones. We had Apple Vacations.
On our way to the hotel:

Our Bus Driver, David, hooked us up with his friend just minutes away from our hotel. It smelled good and felt even better.

Buffet food was yummy and quite diverse must i say, for my taste. Rest of the evening we kept getting yummy drinks from eight bars, ventured to a gift shop, and explored the resort in the dark. it was pretty large.
Pools, beaches, hot tubs, water tube from the tower, leading to one pool. All in all very relaxing. Winston kept our company throughout all four days.

Monday activities:
Our orientation on Monday was at 9.30am. Our apple rep, Wilton, was quite funny. We baked upon awakening. Breakfast was super good. It was sunny and breezy and fun. Wilton showed us a bunch of packages and we only really had money for Dun's River Falls. Booked it for Wednesday. Also, we reserved a dinner table at "Ginger Lily", Asian cuisine, on Wednesday.
Explored the resort more:
I told Michelle to pose something:



Went to markets after. Michelle was a bit terrified, but i held my cool. Bargaining i learned in Uganda. We got Blue Mountain Coffee and couple of souvenirs.
Back at resort, we went swimming and later got into Caribbean-american fusion restaurant "South Beach" it had no walls and we were sitting tens of feet away from pools and beach.
We had wine. It was good.

Food was yummy, as usual.
We meditated on one of super comfy couches overlooking little fountains.
Jerk chicken = amazing. had it on our balcony in the evening.

Our balcony view. What a great way to start each day.

Tuesday activities:
Water-slides off the light house. Hot tubs. and we took peddling boat our for like 15min :)
Horseback riding was a main piece of entertainment for the day. And it was awesome.

My horse mostly just followed Michelle's but i don't mind. She got to canter on the beach. Out guide told us many things about Jamaica, it's plants, culture, history. Cool guy. We also went in the water with the horses. Awesome feeling. Michelle bought a huge shell on the beach. There were three couples also doing the horseback but we took a private tour.


Us at the beach, taking a break, while the horses were resting as well.

On our way back, our taxi driver Rey explained to us his Ph D. - pot hole dodger.

Once back we went to North Beach where the buffet moved and had some food on the beach.
.
Lovely weather and rrrrrrrrrrromantic atmosphere.

Our balcony received a landing of swim shorts from our neighbors above. (What we learned later)

Randy and Annie were in 424 (right above us) from Idaho(?) and in their 40s or so. It was so fun talking to them. I put a note "Wish granted, have a wonderful day" in the pocket of the swim shorts and they had a good laugh at it. Michelle was glad that moments like this happen.
We took a nap and overslept dinner. Still ventured out, got some air.

Wednesday activities
We took stairs usually because elevators took forever. Bonus living on 3rd floor. This was a sign that hung in a sketchy hallway:


Dun's River Falls - Jamaicans really know how to sell experiences.

Because it was awesome. We made human chains and climbed river waterfalls. It was only waste deep (sometimes) and not slippery. Michelle thought there would be ATMs (there weren't) so she just went barefoot. She had a blast.


Mah "Swim shoes":

Once back, pool, hot tub, beach. Michelle went snorkeling in the ocean for a little bit. i decided to just chill on the beach. We went to markers again, bought couple more wooden things. It was Michelle's idea to go again.
We got dressed up for Ginger Lily:

The food again was amazing. We had windows open and saw the sunset. Deserts were outstanding.
Evening had some live music (talent show) and impersonations. Bartenders made good white russians. Michelle enjoyed daily specials with rum.

Our cleaning lady found our 2cup-one-piece duct tape creation and laughed and praised us. it was awesome. She liked our creativity. Almost all of our goods were finished. We were proud campers.

Thursday activities:
airport day. woke up at 6am. packed. Grabbed a quick bite and left the hotel by 7:15am. Even though our flight was delayed i was back at BC around 10pm, that Day.
Great vacation. Got to spend time with what's her name. Which is nice, i guess. Not last time in Jamaica. People there are so chill and nice.

Mah Bong

A wonderful handmade concoction:

I'm tracking my spending

Also interesting: I will track my spending from Sun. March 20th to Monday, April 18th. It will certainly be something interesting. I will hopefully prepare some categories now on the paper and get things ready. I think these will be my categories (since i still live in college):
entertainment
Restaurant food
groceries
bills
alcohol
Winston
household/utility
transportation
savings
personal care
clothing
miscellaneous

I will include what i bought (few words) and how much, without rounding, it cost. If i purchased it online, I'll put an (o) next to it. Just wondering about that too.
I Start tomorrow.

Must watch 53min video.

Michael Himes was in the beginning of my life changing and understanding.

Talks about what life is all about.
Inspirational. Truly.

Post Weekend

Tomorrow classes resume. Michelle and I made zucchini bread for my capstone class. Hope people like it. Jennie was visiting Michelle and i just so happen to find Victor outside Edmonds (ONLY because I was about 45min late). Winston appeared. Pictures soon to follow.
Over the weekend i had a pleasure to introduce Equilibrium to Michelle. And we also saw (both first time) "A Scanner Darkly". Say what you want, but i enjoyed that movie. Made me think a lot and such.

A quote i came up with:
"Each day brings something new and gives room for growth. Use that space."

Here are couple of interesting pics i stumbled upon:

Challenge

I challenge you (myself as well of course) to have a quick mindfulness practice. Pick one of the songs you really like (between 2 and 7min long, i guess). Prepare yourself to sit down for the amount of time the song plays and not move. That's it. listen to one of your favorite songs while sitting down. That's it. Don't write things down, don't check anything, just be. Even for just couple of minutes.

Look where your mind is wondering, how many things we think about in such a short time span. I try to breathe, close my eyes, and immerse myself into the song, focusing on lyrics or a specific instrument. It's a great way to be aware of yourself and your thoughts.

Try this in the morning (and that song will get stuck in your head for a whole day, but you like it, right?) or evening.
Try it instead of breakfast, or on Tuesdays. Maybe with just one sock on?

You're just the bestest.

Just texted that to Michelle. Our trip to Jamaica was really fun. We tolerated each other quite well. That's good i guess :) i wrote a bunch in my journal and we took many a pictures. Ill update all of that later.
Just sitting on my bed now, ate a wheat bagel with cream cheese and drinking green pomegranate tea with honey and milk. Yes life is good indeed. I rarely work with my laptop on my bed, so it is kind of special.

Several rather important things coming up: two education fairs for ed and non-ed majors. I should be able to find something of interest for me there: i want to get a masters ed as i am teaching for couple of years. I am still a bit confused about teaching license and how each state has their own. I will figure it out as the time comes.
Another important thing is OTE Preceptor deadline is next Friday. i want to work with incoming freshmen again this summer. If i do get it, i will also work in the library for some amount of time, to make some cash. I know, come September and even summer, i will start applying for teaching position programs (hopefully from those ed. fairs)

There is some homework to be done, but nothing major (I don't think). Laundry, cleaning my room a bit. Gotta call Andrew & Joey to see how things are. It's raining, but Boston College does not smell like Boston for some reason. It's probably because it is warmer (~50F) than when we were leaving.

A nice text from Michelle regarding a vase i made for her in ceramics and left in her room without her knowledge:
"I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!! It's absolutely wonderful. i was SO surprised and delighted, I'm grinning from ear to ear :D"
She appreciates ALL the little things. It's always easy to make her day. Is this love?

Packing and Painting

Painted today/yesterday. I drafted this on my birthday, 25th. (I wanted to start a painting on my bday)




Packing for Jamaica. Really excited. I know there will be much more experiences than i am anticipating and i will be having more fun in more ways that i can think of. All i got to do is have an open mind.

Please remember what is important in life - people around you.

Quote and Posters.

It is Friday. Which means end of the week and medium Cappuccino. I don't drink coffee except on Friday. So even if nothing interesting or exciting happening at least i can be looking forward to Hazelnut flavored Cappuccino. Currently i am at Reserves Desk in O'Neal Library. My Friday shifts are easy, especially before spring break (today is the last day of classes, some even left yesterday).
I will need to pack today, (for Jamaica) or at least start. Perhaps i should take a movie out in case Michelle and i want to see something. perhaps not.

Great quote i stole from Estelle's fbok pics:
Reflection of the Day: "Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training." - Anne Freud

Here is another awesome idea: these posters are super great:
To purchase these, go HERE






And this is just an interesting picture:

End of the day - Meditation

How to finish a lovely day which included Aileen, John, Winston, Michelle, Krysitna, Due Date in Robsham, and an episode of Dirty Sexy Money? Meditation:

The way to start the day - morning meditation

I like this one. Simple and nice.

Suggestions for Daily Practice & Mindfulness.

1. A good place to start cultivating mindfulness is in the body.
2. Befriending your breath is a good idea, since you can’t leave home without it – and it is so
related to our states of mind.
3. See if from time to time you can just feel the breath moving in and out of your body.
4. Locate where the breath sensations are most vivid, and “surf ” with full awareness on those
breath waves, moment by moment – in the belly, at the nostrils, or wherever.
5. Try lying in bed for a few moments after you wake up, and just ride on the waves of your
own breathing moment by moment and breath by breath.
6. Experiment with expanding your awareness around your breath until it includes a sense of
the body as a whole lying in bed breathing.
7. As best you can, be aware of the various sensations fluxing in the body, including the
breath sensations.
8. Just rest in the awareness of lying here breathing, outside of time, even if it is only for a
minute or two by the clock.
9. When you notice that the mind has a life of its own and wanders here and there, keep in
mind that this is just what minds do, so there is no need to judge it.
10. Just note what is on your mind if you are no longer in touch with the breath or with the
sensations of the body lying in the bed, and without judgment or criticism, just let that be
part of your awareness in the moment, and feature once again the breath and the body
center-stage in the field of your awareness.
11. Repeat step 10 a few million times.
12. It is very easy to fall into the thought stream and get caught up in the future (worrying,
planning) and the past (remembering, blaming, pining) and in reactive and often painful
emotions.
13. No need to try to stop any of this from happening when you can just bring a big
embrace of openhearted, spacious, accepting awareness to it and, lo and behold, you are
once again sitting on the bank of the thought stream, listening to the gurgling but not so
caught up in the torrent for the moment.
14. You can cultivate mindfulness in this way lying in bed for a few moments in the
morning, or in the evening before going to sleep.
15. You can also cultivate mindfulness sitting, standing, walking, and eating – in
fact, in any position or situation, including brushing your teeth, taking a shower,
talking on the phone, running, working out at the gym, cooking, picking up the
kids, making love, whatever is unfolding in your life in the present moment.
16. It helps to be present for it and for yourself.
17. Remember – the real meditation is your life, and how you inhabit it moment
by moment.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cultivating Mindfulness

1. Th e real meditation is how you live your life.
2. In order to live life fully, you have to be present for it.
3. To be present, it helps to purposefully bring awareness to your moments – otherwise you
may miss many of them.
4. You do that by paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and
non-judgmentally to whatever is arising inwardly and outwardly.
5. is requires a great deal of kindness toward yourself, which you deserve.
6. It helps to keep in mind that good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, the present moment is
the only time any of us are alive. erefore, it's the only time to learn, grow, see what is
really going on, find some degree of balance, feel and express emotions such as love and
appreciation, and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves – in other words,
embody our intrinsic strength and beauty and wisdom – even in the face of pain and
suffering.
7. So a gentle love affair with the present moment is important.
8. We do that through learning to rest in awareness of what is happening inwardly and
outwardly moment by moment by moment – it is more a “being” than a “doing.”
9. Formal and informal meditation practices are specific ways in which you can ground,
deepen, and accelerate this process, so it is useful to carve out some time for formal
practice on a regular daily basis – maybe waking up fifteen or twenty minutes earlier than
you ordinarily would to catch some time for ourselves.
10. We bring awareness to our moments only as best we can.
11. We are not trying to create a special feeling or experience – simply to realize that this
moment is already very special – because you are alive and awake in it.
12. is is hard, but well worth it
13. It takes a lot of practice.
14. Lots of practice
15. But you have a lot of moments – and we can treat each one as a new beginning.
16. So there are always new moments to open up to if we miss some.
17. We do all this with a huge amount of self-compassion.
18. And remember, you are not your thoughts or opinions, your likes or dislikes.
ey are more like weather patterns in your mind that you can be aware of –
like clouds moving across the sky, – and so don’t have to be imprisoned by.
19. Befriending yourself in this way is the adventure of a lifetime, and hugely
empowering.
20. Try it for a few weeks – it grows on you.

Time Waste

Yes. It has happened. I am officially doing this. It will take a while and i will most likely procrastinate a shit ton, but I am moving everything from my "Time Waste" Bookmarks folder online. So i can procrastinate anywhere with internet.

One of Top Loves: Daily Painters. Upload your art and sell it. Every day is something new.
Cyburbia is a forum of colaboration of random arty pix. Some hit, some miss.
Sethskim is a blog i read once or something.
Savage Chicken is great quick comic stips.
Mountain Dew Christmas Tree.
Illustration blog with random art.
Blow at Life is an awesome art blog. Water color and ink.
Abstract Landscape paintings blog.
Ted Talks - great youtube channel based on intelligent people sharing their ideas. Highly recommended.
Another blog with arty stuff.
Ze Frank's Scribbler is very old and awesome tool for "non artists" to feel more arty.
Link missing, but look for Just Bieber "U smile" 800% slower. Trust me it has noting to do with J biebz, just an awesome 30min of music.
Ode to the nice guys.
Empty Kingdom - home for media artists. cool things.
Bizzare beautiful websites.
Verbatim is an AMAZING ROBOT FIGHTING GAME. only three button. create your own robot.
Flame painter is alright.
Ball Droppings is a simple and creative way to make music.
Infinite Oz is a colab art project that is pleasing to the eye.
Why do we stay up so late? some interactive creative poetry
Donnie Darko movie website. i didn't get to the end.
Annamika has several really nice kaleidoscopes for meditation and self-hypnosis.
Tonematrix at it's best. simple music.
Large scale interactive quest game. FUNN
Neave - play with some lines.
Things we forget - a blog about post it notes left in public places.
Water color surrealism.
You tube с места событий.
Broston College. by bros, for bros.
The Happiness Project. Speaks for itself.
Bashing Scientology church (i.e. the truth about it)
Write Something is quite cool. write anything. post it. read what others have written. that's it.
I can't see you is another blog filled with entertaining videos and such.
blon dina is another blog with surreal arty thangs.
Absolut positiv has pix of sexual females, cars, movies and anything else straight men would find enjoyable.
Ten surreal animated films.
Meditation challenge (28days) that i was following during Feb. 2011 Highly recommended.
Bent Objects is another creative sculpture blog.
Positivity blog - take a positivity challenge
Solitude and Leadership - loooooong article.
Death delusion - loooooong article.
Relativity of Wrong by Isaak Asimov - looooooong article.
Scariest video you will ever see. No blood, no gore, no death. BUT SCARY!!!
all about Чайный гриб.
Shroomery - all about hallucinogenic drugs
Vimeo community choice winners
B-line is official blog of the Heights (BC newspaper)
Zooborns is a collection of cute just born animals. If you're into that sorta thing.
Self hypnosis program. I have yet to try but will eventually.
Ah Yes, Ministry Of War. Cool game, addicting.
300 the movie vs. 300 the History. Interesting read if you liked the movie.
Baby man's soaked is a creative writing blog of one of my friends.
Keri Hilson Ft. Rick Ross – The Way You Love Me (Official Video). Overly sexualized ladies dancing and singing about banging.
DearBlankPleaseBlank. daily. its okay.
Reflection of the day.
14 actors is an interesting colab of famous and not so much actors in 1-2min scenes. B&W.
Perry Bible Fellowship - comics
Noam Chomsky on the Struggle in the Promised Land. Came to BC. Heard it's really good.
Focus - online book i soon to read. maybe.
Map of CT Towns and Counties.
Media center arrivals. When im in the mood of some movies from BC media center.